“Ask yourself what
you are really
prepared
to give up
in order to be free.”
On Friday mornings, a group of us has gotten together after meditation to share our favorite poetry. We’ve been doing this for a few years. Now, during coronavirus times, we have continued to meet on zoom. More people have joined us as a result including Jason Poole from Pennsylvania!
This past Sunday in honor of Bob Dylan’s birthday our Friday morning group shared poetry during our Sunday Morning Zen. I shared an amazing poem written by Uppalavana, the Buddha’s foremost female disciple. She was beautiful and the daughter of a wealthy merchant so she had many suitors. Another sutra says she had a tumultuous marriage and may have been a courtesan. Instead of marrying [again] she entered the monastic life under the Buddha.
The poem is taken from the book, “the first free women - poems of early buddhist nuns” translated by Matty Weingast. It’s from the Therigatha (Verses of the Elder Nuns), one of the sacred texts of early Buddhism. It’s the world’s oldest collection of women’s literature.
There are powerful images in this poem. Uppalavana has practiced hard. She knows her mind and how it can be used either as a knife or a chain. Her last line, “Ask yourself what you are really prepared to give up in order to be free” is one that I’ve contemplated.
Freedom. What is freedom? Freedom from what? Freedom from unpleasant thoughts and feelings? Freedom from society’s expectations? Freedom from your own expectations and judgments? Freedom from having to be right all the time? In the poem she says she handled the darkness with a chain. What does that mean? Does that mean it weighed on her? Yet she also says there is great strength in the darkness.
In my Zen tradition, sitting with a question that doesn’t have a ready answer is good practice. By that I mean to meditate with the question in your mind and staying open to not knowing or having to come up with an answer. Then just notice what comes up for you. Bearing witness, without judgment, to whatever arises is the next practice. Is anxiety, sadness, anger, confusion arising? Can you just sit and be with the feelings and let go of your thoughts? Then can you return to your breath, your breathing body?
If you do this practice with intention, commitment and regularity, something good will happen, something that can change your life. Just as meditation changed Uppalavana.
Malama pono (take care of body, mind and heart),
June Kaililani Tanoue
Kumu Hula, Sensei