“Huli ke alo i ka paia.
Turn the face to the wall.
There is nothing to fear. To go to sleep with one’s face to the wall
is an indication of confidence in one’s safety.”
Halau i Ka Pono dancing at the ZLMC Luncheon Fundraiser
It’s snowing. Small flakes are swirling in the breeze. Everywhere is a beautiful white.
Three of us went to Cook County Jail last Monday to sit with the women detainees in Divison 5, Tier 2L. We’ve been going weekly to spend an hour on this tier for over a year now. The women there are waiting for their court date. A few of the women have been there longer than we've been there. Sometimes there are 20+ women, sometimes 8 - 10.
Tier 2L has become part of my extended 'ohana (family). We meditate for ten minutes, talk a little about what they experienced and answer questions. Then we sit for at least another 10 minutes. The room is concrete on all sides. The walls have pieces of paper taped on them with quotes and art.
As I was meditating with them last week, I felt a lot of sadness and grief come up for me. My eyes filled with tears. I didn't know why sadness came up - only that it did. I focused on the sadness and really felt it. During the discussion I shared what had happened to me. It resonated with the women.
One woman said her father-in-law had just died, and she was feeling sad as she contemplated writing an obituary for him. Another spoke about the deep love she had for her father who had died 10 years ago. She hadn't really cry when he died or since then. But every year around the time of his birthday, she starts getting agitated and does something really stupid. She wondered if not grieving and her behavior were related.
I’ve learned through my mindfulness practice that our bodies always remember feelings that haven’t been resolved or integrated. If we stamp down our feelings and distract ourselves from emotional pain, the pain will return. My practice of meditation gives me space and time to build courage to face feelings that are uncomfortable.
When they arise, it’s a message for me to pay full attention. I pay attention to the story that’s running in my brain and work to shift my focus to my breath and sensations in my body. Sometimes, the answer may not be readily apparent, but there’s no need to figure it out immediately.
Jack Kornfield spoke about the importance of opening to a full awareness of feelings in his book, A Path with Heart: "...in Buddhist psychology bringing consciousness to feelings is critical for awakening. In a teaching called the Cycle of the Arising Conditions, the Buddha explains how humans become entangled.
It is the place of feeling that binds us or frees us. When pleasant feelings arise and we automatically grasp them, or when unpleasant feelings arise and we try to avoid them, we set up a chain reaction of entanglement and suffering. This perpetuates the body of fear.
However, if we learn to be aware of feelings without grasping or aversion, then they can move through us like changing weather, and we can be free to feel them and move on like the wind. It can be a very interesting meditation exercise to focus specifically on our feelings for several days. We can name each one and see which ones we are afraid of, which we are entangled by, which generate stories, and how we become free.
'Free' is not free from feelings, but free to feel each one and let it move on, unafraid of the movement of life."
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Malama pono (take care of body, mind and heart),
June Kaililani Tanoue
Kumu Hula and Sensei
P.S. Here is a slide show of ZLMC's 2019 Year in Action. Photographs by Elizabeth Carabello, Tom Neiman, Susan Sensemann, Robert Althouse and June Tanoue. Music by Deva Premal & Miten. Enjoy!